The Sad Part

I have discovered that grief is a journey, not a destination. Everyone takes this journey in their own vehicle. My journey began in the depths of hell. Losing a person who is your soul mate is the worst form of torture, punishment, and anguish. The loss is not something that you 'get over'. There is always a deep, burning flame that ignites you from time to time. You feel it, examine it and sometimes even rejoice in it.
I am a resilient woman, a list maker, goal setter, 'Here comes Mighty Mouse to save the day!'kind of gal. Thus, I can only give in to weakness when the flame burns brightest. Something inside of me makes me survive and forge on. No drinking, pill taking, hoarding or any other serious manifestations of grief. I did however, spend too much money, join too many things and act a little impulsively. I think there was a great need to fill a void and for me, a pretty good guess that it would be healthy to sometimes be surrounded by people. Somehow I ended up in an oil painting class, volunteering in classrooms, joining a musical variety show, (can't really carry a tune but they needed warm bodies), designing costumes and secretary of a community radio station. Overkill huh?
Next Blog: The Men In My Basement

Hello out there in Blogland

I am a Blog virgin. It's been a long time since I've been able to use that word in reference to myself. It's also very appropriate to begin my first blog on this date as it would have been my 44th wedding anniversary today. This is a story of widowhood that I would like to share with other widows and widowers. Such a strange word, widow. Doesn't it make you think of spiders and blackness? It makes me think of black lace veils, joyless women, and of course death. The first time I had to write the horrid word in a blank space I nearly choked. "That's not me, I'm a cheerful, bouncy, glittery, warm, and very alive woman!" I was soon to find out that I now lived in a very different world from the one I inhabited for 64 years. A world with no map, no user manual, and darn it, no app!