I have discovered that grief is a journey, not a destination. Everyone takes this journey in their own vehicle. My journey began in the depths of hell. Losing a person who is your soul mate is the worst form of torture, punishment, and anguish. The loss is not something that you 'get over'. There is always a deep, burning flame that ignites you from time to time. You feel it, examine it and sometimes even rejoice in it.
I am a resilient woman, a list maker, goal setter, 'Here comes Mighty Mouse to save the day!'kind of gal. Thus, I can only give in to weakness when the flame burns brightest. Something inside of me makes me survive and forge on. No drinking, pill taking, hoarding or any other serious manifestations of grief. I did however, spend too much money, join too many things and act a little impulsively. I think there was a great need to fill a void and for me, a pretty good guess that it would be healthy to sometimes be surrounded by people. Somehow I ended up in an oil painting class, volunteering in classrooms, joining a musical variety show, (can't really carry a tune but they needed warm bodies), designing costumes and secretary of a community radio station. Overkill huh?
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Oh, I'm still spending too much money. Then I try to cut back. I think finding some kind of balance is very difficult, but necessary as time goes on.
ReplyDeleteI did a lot of cleaning, sorting, throwing away. Lots of activity to try and outrun the grief those first few months. And I was paranoid. Kept looking for things I'd thrown away. Kept looking for dear hubby in every room. It was torture (as you so aptly stated).
I was the opposite of you and instead of joining things, I've cocooned. Still do.
I don't think there is such a thing as overkill when grieving. You do what you need to do.